Shower Curtain

October 13, 2010

I recently bought a new shower curtain. On the package, there was a label that outlined the proper washing instructions:  

Rinse with warm water, hang to dry

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Tower of Pizza

July 13, 2009

I ate too much pizza. It gave me pizzarrhea.

And now I have pizzarrhoids.

Pigasus

May 1, 2009

I said “When Pigs Fly!” And then…Swine Flu!

What’s my sign?
I always thought I was a Sagittarius.
Turns out, I’m actually an Ophiuchus.
 
You see, the sun passes through 13 constellations in a year, not 12 as astrologers would have you believe. The constellation Ophiuchus the Snake Handler is there, in between Scorpius the Scorpion and Sagittarius the Archer. So if you were born between Nov 30th and Dec 17th, like me, you’re an Ophiuchus.
 
 
In fact, all of the star signs are off, and have been so for centuries, due to the precession of the equinoxes.
 
But, no big deal – I’m still me, you’re still you, and astrology is still crap.
 
Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln were born on the same day of the same year. In fact, it was 200 years ago today – February 12, 1809.

I wonder, what if they had been one and the same person?

His Galapagosburg Address might have sounded something like this:

“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that there is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.”

08/08/08

August 8, 2008

A pair and three eights.
 
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