Books I’d Like to Write

February 12, 2007

Bridget Jones’ Diarrhea

Greener Pastures, Browner Cowpies

Raising the Bar: Limbo Dancing Made Easy

I Like Chinese – Part Four

February 10, 2007

Osama bin Laden once sent four of his Al Qaeda terrorists to China:

The first terrorist was sent to Shanghai as a suicide bomber, in order to frighten the millions of commuters — but all of the buses were too crowded, and he couldn’t get on. The mission was a failure.

The 2nd terrorist was sent to bomb a Hong Kong shopping centre, to strike a blow at commercialism — but his detonator was stolen by a pickpocket. The mission was a failure.

The 3rd terrorist was sent to Beijing as a car bomber, hoping to bring the capital city to a standstill — but he got lost, and he drove around in circles until the car ran out of gas. The mission was a failure.

The 4th terrorist was instructed to set off a bomb in Datong, in hopes of crippling the coal mining industry. The bomb exploded as planned, and over 200 people were killed — but the Chinese government covered it up, so the mission was regarded a failure.

Al Qaeda has since given up trying to terrorize China.