“I can’t see the finer details, because of my bum eyes. I actually have bums for eyes.”

“There’s a plastic surgeon downtown, on the corner of College & Implant.”

“Well well well, look what dragged in the cat.”

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Not Naughty

September 6, 2005

Here’s some nice naughty words — well, they sound naughty, but they’re not! Or are they?

annual

assonance

Balzac

Bangkok

Bilbo Baggins

blowhard

boob tube

bungalow

bushwhack

caulking

Chunnel

coccyx

cockeyed

condominium

corkscrew

corndog

cowlick

crepe

crotchety

cummerbund

dank

dictum

dissemination

Dixie

dongle

Down Under

dumpster

Englebert Humperdinck

fisticuffs

flicker

foist

fork

Han Solo

hand cream

Harry Potter

hoary

holepuncher

Homo erectus

hormone

hornet

Humpfrey Bogart

honour

inner

jackhammer

joe job

Johnny Cochrane

joystick

kumquat

lowdown

manhole

Moby Dick

muck-raker

nuptials

oratory

organism

origami

Palm Pilot

penal

peon

pewter

Phuket

pianist

pistol

pontoon

poodle

poop deck

posse

Princess Leia Organa

prong

punt

pussywillow

rapier

rectory

Regina

Rubbermaid

saltpeter

sects

sextet

sextuplets

Shi’ite

Shih Tzu

shitake

skink

skits

slum

spelunking

succulent

succumb

titular

turtle

uvula

Uranus

Venus

Volvo

Poem #4

September 2, 2005

Falsehoods, fibs and fabrications,

Fantasies, exaggerations!

Put-ons, cons, and pseudo-science,

Fairy tales and urban legends!

Flimflam, frauds, and forgery,

Scams and shams and perjury!

Double-dealing double-talk,

Twaddle, piffle, poppycock!

Humbug , hooey, claptrap,

Mumbo jumbo, load of crap!

Baloney, bunkum, boondoggle!

Hogwash, hokum, hornswoggle !