Why can’t every day be Friday? Well, every day can be Friday! It’s just a simple matter of renaming the days of the week…

Friday: This day will remain “Friday”. This, after all, is the point.

Thursday: We’ll call this day “Friday Lite”. Not quite Friday, but not so bad, really.

Wednesday: This’ll be “Friday Lite Eve”. Get ready to get ready for Friday!

Tuesday: From now on, this day will be “Fancy Tuesday”. A response to Casual Friday, this is the day we dress up fancy. Wear your top hat & tails! And by keeping one non-Friday day, we throw Friday into sharper relief, which helps us focus on what’s important.

Monday: “Bizarro Friday”.

Sunday: Pick one – “Football Friday”, “Jesus Friday”, or “Sleep Friday”, whatever floats your boat.

Saturday: “Friday Plus”. Just like Friday, only more so!

There you have it. Every day is Friday! TGIF!

“He smokes and drinks like a chimneyfish.”

“That pizzeria gave me pizzarrhea.”

“Patience comes to those who wait.”

“That’s a nice colour, somewhere between ‘Burnt Sienna’ and ‘Bloody Stool’.”

“Calc-You-Later!”

Evolution: from Mindless Goo to Mindless You

No Goal: Living Without Objectives

Yawn: the History of Prairie Tax Law, Volume One

The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth (If That’s Okay With Everyone Else)

$5 a Tan

July 9, 2005

A tanning salon in my neighbourhood has a large sign in the window that reads “$5 A TAN”. From the corner of my eye, it looks like “SATAN”. Why am I the only one who notices these things?
 

Scorn

July 2, 2005

Depression is something I frown upon.

I pooh-pooh digested food.

Hockey players who body-check? I give them the cold shoulder.

I mock the speed of sound.

I look down on cleavage.